so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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