Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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