oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
