Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
