I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
