You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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