once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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