omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
