The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
