Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
