My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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