Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
