I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
