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I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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