Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
