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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize