the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize