i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
