Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
