My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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