How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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