Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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