Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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