Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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