I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
