she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
