Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
