Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
