I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
