Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize