dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize