its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
