last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
