God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
