We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
smell my finger.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
