I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize