ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
