I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bring me that man meat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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