I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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