is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He shit in the fireplace
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
