I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
