well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
