maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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