Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So many bounce houses so little time
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize