You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
