Yo dont text me then not text me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize