Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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