Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
