my vag is so smooth its legendary
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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