3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
