While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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