time to smoke my breakfast
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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