every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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