Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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