so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
