So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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