Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
