Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
