If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My bed is full of blood and feathers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
