I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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