So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
