he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
