I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
bring money and cleavage
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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